Is this okay for the first chapter of my book?

It is still ruff but I would like to know if it is something you would want me to write more of.


And yes, it still needs work.


Thanks.


______________________________________...





One








My Aunt Bessie drove me to the airport in Denver, Colorado. It was a nice day out; 82 degrees on a fall day. That’s pretty good for Colorado- we would consider that nice. I was wearing my lucky bracelet. It’s chain-linked and it has a heart hanging from it. On the heart says “I love you.”


I was going to go to the one place on Earth that I hated most; Hillcrest, Washington. My dad, Billy, lives there. He is Chief Billy Johnson of the people of Hillcrest; he’s the chief of police and has been ever since I remember. To that little town of Hillcrest, I know send myself. My mother and I used to live in Hillcrest until I was two. There was an accident and she died. I hated Hillcrest so I decided to go move with my Aunt Bessie to Denver. I would have to visit my dad, Billy, every other year.


Aunt Bessie and her husband, Lucas, travel a lot because of Lucas’s work. She stayed with me but I could tell she missed him dearly. They had just gotten married a few years ago and I was afraid the longer I stayed with them, the faster their marriage would go down the drain- not that I think their marriage is going to go down the drain or anything though. It’s just that he’s older then she is by many years.


“Zoey, I’m going to miss you so much!” Aunt Bessie exclaimed while she embraced me in one of her famous hugs.


“I know. I’m going to miss you too. I’ll tell Billy that you said hi.”


Aunt Bessie doesn’t look anything like me. She has chocolate brown hair, caramel colored eyes, and tan skin. She looks like the kind of person who would live somewhere…sunny. How could I leave her alone? I mean, she’s like a mom to me. She’s taken care of me almost my whole life. How could I just leave her here? What’s wrong with me?


“Please dear, be careful. I know how clumsy you are. I mean, I know those soccer muscles of yours help you keep your balance but still. And please, please take care of Billy. His cancer is very bad.”


“Okay I promise to be careful and take care of Billy.”


Why did she have to bring up Billy’s cancer? It’s almost as if she’s trying to rub it in.


I gave my Aunt Bessie one last hug goodbye and went onto the plane. I was going to fly to Seattle and then I would have to take another plane to Lancaster- the little city on the coast- and then drive home with Billy. That is going to be scary.


Billy’s happy that I’m moving with him but he isn’t sure why I’m moving back with him. I know he won’t say anything though because he isn’t like that. Billy keeps to himself a lot. He isn’t that much into people’s business. It will always be weird with him though because from his phone calls I could tell that he is still upset about my mother’s accident.


When I got off the plane in Lancaster, Billy was there waiting for me. So was his friend Jonathan. I’m guessing that Jonathan drove Billy out here to get me. Jonathan is Billy’s golfing buddy.


“Zoey dear, is that you? Wow, you’ve gotten so big! I missed you so much sweetie.” Billy yelled as I went to get my luggage. He gave me a hug when I got up to him. It was a weird hug. I got the sense that he thought it was awkward too.


“Yes it is. I missed you! Aunt Bessie says hi by the way.”


We all got into Jonathan’s truck and started our way to my new home. Billy tried having small talk with me. I could tell this whole ride was going to be awkward.


“I got you signed up for high school at Hillcrest High. You start school tomorrow.”


“Oh thanks Dad.” I wasn’t excited about school. I’m going to be an outcast, a weirdo. I would probably be able to pull it off if I looked like someone who lived somewhere sunny. I should be tan but I’m white. And I mean really white. My skin is almost translucent but it is kind of pretty. I have dirty blonde hair with red in it. And my blue-green eyes stand out against my skin.


“Hey Dad, do you know any places where I could buy a car?”


“Well you don’t have to look anywhere.”


“What do you mean?” What did he mean? Oh my, did he get me a car already? I hope not. Billy doesn’t really have what I would say as a “fashion sense.”


“I already got you a car. It’s a good car for you.”


“Dad, I was going to get my own car.” What did he mean the car was “good for me?”


“I actually got it for you as a welcome home gesture. I got it last week.”


“What does it look like?”


“Don’t worry, it’s a new car; only a few years old really. It’s a blue Toyota.”


“How much do I owe you?”


He paused a minute before answering my question. “You don’t need to worry about that Zoey. It’s a present from me to you. You don’t need to pay me for it.”


Wow. I just got a free Toyota. At least I won’t have to worry about that. I just have to worry about, oh let’s see, the rest of my life. Wow, that won’t be that hard…not.


“Okay, thanks Dad.”


Why did I say thanks? It was sure to be awkward with Billy and all this family stuff. Especially since I haven’t been much of a family member since I was two. I will just have to watch what I say from now on and try not to make it to awkward for the two of us. I don’t want to make it look like I’m some needy seventeen year old. Billy already has enough on his plate as it is, with the cancer and everything. Why did he have to get cancer? I mean I already lost part of me when mom died, if I lose Billy I would have lost everything. Why me, why me?


I shook my head to get those depressing thoughts out. I looked out the window to see what my new home looked like. Wow, I forgot how green and humid it was here. It was almost as if the green was from another planet, an alien planet. It completely covered everything in its path; trees were covered with moss, grass covered in green shrubs, bushes covered in green flowers- holy cow, green flowers? I’ve never seen green flowers in my life! I didn’t even know they existed- weird. It reminded me of a rain forest. It was very beautiful though; a rare beauty.


Finally, I thought as we pulled up to Billy’s house. Jonathan dropped us off and drove away. I looked at the once familiar house. It was a tiny two story house. The paint was peeling off in some places. I would have to fix that. My bedroom faced over the front yard- my room always has in every house I’ve lived in. There was a giant tree in front of my bedroom window. Perfect for sneaking out, but knowing me, I wouldn’t do it anyways. The flowers needed some work too. I feel bad that Billy can’t fix all this stuff up. Stupid cancer.


Parked in the driveway was my new Toyota. I loved it! It was made of that really tough material that would turn another car into a billion pieces if it got into an accident. I actually thought I would have hated it but Billy has yet to surprise me, again.


“I hope you like your truck Zoey.”


“I don’t just like it Dad, I love it!”


I went up to Billy and gave him a big hug, a real hug. He probably hasn’t had one of these in a long time. He had gotten tense at first but then loosened up a little. Then I ran over to my truck and hugged it. It was perfect. At least I wouldn’t have to cry about that tonight.


I got all of my bags and went into the house. It looked the same as it did when I was last here. The family room was to the left. There was an old scruffy couch, a chair, and a TV. The carpet was a navy blue color. There was a huge window above the couch. To the right was the kitchen. The floor was white linoleum. The cabinets were a faded brown. There was a dishwasher, thank goodness. I hated washing dishes like I had to at my Aunt Bessie’s house. There was a kitchen table that was the same color as the cabinets. The chairs matched too. There was a window above the sink with a few flowers sitting on the window seal.


The stairs were right in front of me. I walked up them with my bags and stood in the hallway while I remembered falling down them when I visited here one time. To the right of me was Billy’s room. I haven’t been in there in years. And I will continue not to. In front of me was my own bathroom. At least I wouldn’t have to worry about sharing a bathroom. I don’t think Billy would have wanted to wait an hour and a half while I get ready every morning.


To the left of me was my room. I walked in and sat my few bags on the bed. I had to sort all of my winter clothes from my summer ones when I was packing. I ended up bringing all of my winter clothes- which was not that good. There was no point bringing my summer ones because it is always cold here. I guess I would need to go shopping.


I looked around my room. There was a bed, a dresser, a closet, a night table next to my bed, and a desk with a computer on it. It looks like Billy got rid of all my baby things. Everything in here has been here since I was born, except for the desk. The computer was so I could do my homework and probably keep in touch with Aunt Bessie if she ever wanted to contact me by email.


I looked out my window at the yard in front. The rain drops were lightly hitting my window one by one. I will have to get used to the rain too. I hate the rain. I love the sun and how it feels against my skin. What stinks is that it barely gets any sunshine here.


I’m glad Billy isn’t clingy because otherwise I wouldn’t be able to cry at all. He leaves me alone a lot. I guess he’s so used to being alone that he doesn’t feel comfortable with me being here. I kind of like being alone. I mean I’ve always been alone because Aunt Bessie would travel with Lucas. I like the quite. It would have taken an S.W.A.T. team to keep my Aunt Bessie from leaving me for a minute to get settled. That’s why I’m glad Billy and Aunt Bessie are so different.


Okay, at least the weather here is perfect for my mood- gloomy. I’ve been holding in these tears ever since I got on the plane to Seattle. I should just let them out now. I sat down on bed and started crying. I don’t even remember the last time I cried that much. I think it was when my mom had her accident.


I stopped crying and went downstairs to see what Billy wanted for dinner. I liked to cook; it kept me busy; it distracted me.


“Billy, what would you like for dinner?”


“Zoey, you don’t have to cook for me. I can cook for myself. I have for the past fifteen years.”


“I know Dad. I like to cook though.”


“Well I still don’t feel comfortable with you cooking.”


“Why?”


“Well, it’s just that I don’t want you to burn down the house or anything while I’m working.”


“You really think that I would burn down the house?” Wow, he could at least have some confidence in me. I mean, I’m not that clumsy.


“No, but I just want you to be careful. I don’t know how you cook. If you cook like your Aunt Bessie then you are not going to be cooking in my house.”


His house? It’s my house too.


Aunt Bessie can cook…well, anything that isn’t edible. I’ve been cooking for myself since I was seven anyways.


“I’ve been cooking for as long as I can remember. Trust me, my food is edible.” This is weird. I would have thought that I would have been shy around Billy. Well, at least not that bad.


I’ve always been shy around people. I mean besides soccer but that’s it. Speaking of soccer…


“Ugh Dad, does Hillcrest High have a soccer team? I still want to be able to play soccer even though it’s freezing cold here.”


“I think so. I’m not really sure though. You will have to ask the lady in the office tomorrow. Sorry. Why would you want to play soccer in this weather anyways?”


“Dad, I love soccer okay. It’s my passion. I know I am clumsy, but my soccer muscles do help me stay up, most of the time anyways.”


“Oh okay Zo. Well anyways, what’s for dinner?”


“What do you have?”


“Well, not a lot. I’m always at work so I never have time to go get food anyways.”


“Well I’ll just make some spaghetti and I’ll go shopping after school tomorrow.”


“Okay then. I’ll just go watch the basketball game.”


Billy is obsessed with basketball games. I don’t know why though. There is nothing interesting about it anyways. All you do is shoot and pass. Kind of stupid to me. Soccer is way better then that.


I got dinner ready fast and we ate in silence. It was awkward. I would have rather eaten by myself.


After dinner, I wrote a list of all the groceries I was going to get. Billy must go out a lot if he barely had any food in the house. That’s kind of sad. Well, no. What’s sad is the fact that a 45 year old man with cancer lives by himself and is a police chief. I couldn’t imagine going through that.


I shook the head to get the thought out. I put down the list I made and went to my closet to look for something to wear in the morning. I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans and a short sleeve Hollister shirt. Then I found my old fans- the ones I’ve had for two years- and a black sweatshirt that had the number one on the back. I laid them out on my bed and stared at them with shame. Why did I come here? It was a stupid idea to come here. Well, no it wasn’t- not for everyone else at least. I only moved here to make everyone happy. It worked, but I’m not happy. Oh well, it’s done. I’m already here aren’t I?


I quickly put on my old sweat pants and a baggy shirt and laid down in my bed. I laid there thinking of how difficult school was going to be the next day. I mean, I would have to introduce myself to everyone, walk around with a map in front of my nose, and…ugh…I just don’t know. Then I shut my eyes and let the darkness take me in.





I woke up with a slow start. It was 6:35 and school started at 8:00. I got up too fast because I practically fell once I stood up. I ran to my dresser and pulled out the clothes I had picked out last night. I finished getting ready and almost ran into Billy on my way down the stairs.


“Oh Dad!”


“Zoey, gosh. You scared the crap out of me! Don’t do that again!”


“Sorry it was on accident.”


“Are you ready for school?”


“Yes I’m leaving now. Bye Dad. Have fun at work. Is fun the right word anyways?”


“Fun will do. Bye.”


What was wrong with him? Something was definitely up. He sounded scruffy and sad. Something is wrong. I hope that it isn’t his cancer. I know that he has his bad days but still…


I walked outside to my new Toyota and tried not to fall on the icy cement. I got into the comfy truck and immediately felt safe; almost like I was home again, like this was where I belonged. I didn’t feel like this when I was in the house. What is wrong with me? Why am I doing this? I hope Aunt Bessie is okay.


I started the engine to stop myself from crying. I missed Aunt Bessie dearly. I backed out of the driveway and drove back onto the high way. Everything was off the high way; it was so spread out here, almost like everyone was isolated in this little bubble of space.


Hillcrest High was a small school. It didn’t look like a school though; just a bunch of little buildings with the same matching roofs and a fence around it. What’s with the fence? What do they want to keep everyone here like a jail?


I quickly stepped out into the light drizzle after finding a parking spot in the crowded parking lot. I ran into the tiny office. There was one desk behind a counter that split the room in half. The lady at the desk had curly red hair. There was a plant on the counter along with many papers that seemed to look like flyers for dances and rallies.


The lady looked up from the computer screen she had just been staring at. “Hey there sweat heart! Can I get ya’ll something?”


I tried so hard to not start laughing at her voice. I laughed at everything, it was so embarrassing.


“Uh, actually I’m Zoey Johnson and I’m new here.” That probably told her everything she needed to know by the look of sympathy in her green eyes.


“Oh dear, everyone has been waitin’ for you to come! Here, let me get your schedule.”


She shuffled through a stack of papers and practically ran up to me with them.


“This is your class schedule and here is a map of the school. I hope you have fun on your first day!”


I grabbed the schedule and map and power walked out of there. I couldn’t hold in the laughter much longer. Once I stepped out the door I began laughing so hard I almost cried. Some of the students looked at me probably thinking I was crazy.


After the scene I had just created, I quickly walked over to my first class which was English. I walked in quietly, hoping that no one would see my late entrance. I closed the door seeing that the class had already started. I glanced up and I immediately felt like a fish in a fish bowl. They were staring at me, almost as if they were looking beyond me at something else; like I wasn’t even there.


“Why Miss Johnson, you’re late,” Announced the very large man with dark brown hair.


“Sorry I was getting my schedule and such. I didn’t know. I’m sorry Mr.…”


“Mr. Smith. Oh, it’s okay. Just take a seat anywhere you like.”


Mr. Smith’s dark eyes penetrated into me. It was a weird sensation. It wasn’t anything sexual or anything near that. I had felt a stab of fear at the sight of his eyes. It was weird and unnatural; inhuman. Wow, what am I thinking? Am I crazy? Gosh, this isolated town is starting to get to me.


I quietly walked over to the empty seat in the back of the class so that no one would stare at me. I slouched into my seat and kept my hair down so that I couldn’t see anyone gawking at me.


After sitting there in the most uncomfortable position ever for an hour, a nasal buzzing sound filled the air. Everyone started getting there things together. I’m guessing it was time to go.


I got up and walked to the door as fast as I could. I was almost out the door when a dark figure stepped out in front of me. I ran right into it too.


“Wow there gorgeous. Where are you going?” The boy said.


“To my next class.” I stammered.


“Oh come on Jake, leave the new girl alone.” A raspy voice had said behind me.


I turned to see a tall boy with dark curly hair- Superman style- and dark blue eyes. His eyes made his olive skin tone and perfect features stand out in the most perfect ways. His scent was heavenly and it radiated off his skin in waves, the next one as strong as the first. It didn’t smell like any cologne I’ve smelt before that all the guys’ layer on themselves. His black short sleeve shirt fit his muscles in a perfect way. His dark jeans and black shoes seemed to fit him quite well.


“Dude, you should really relax. I didn’t do anything to her.”


“Jake, just back the hell up okay. Clearly she is confused.”


“Fine dude. See you at lunch.”


The guy who’s name is Jake turned around and walked in the opposite direction of the classroom.


“Sorry about that, Jake is such a pervert. He doesn’t know anything.”


“Oh it’s okay.” I stammered. Man, was he perfect…


“Sorry, it is so rude of me to not introduce myself. I am Steven Deveraux. And you must be Zoey Johnson.”


“Hi there Steven. Yes, I’m Zoey. How does everyone know me around here?”


“This is a small town. Word gets around very quickly. You will surely learn that.”


“Oh well okay then.” I blushed knowing how stupid I must sound right now.


“What class do you have next?”


“Spanish with Ms. Latina I think. I don’t know where her class is though.”


“I would be glad to show you to it. Besides, I have that class next too.”


Steven and I walked out of the classroom after what seemed like minutes. We walked down the long corridor to room 14. It was so hard not to notice that rain drops hitting the uncovered cement. It smelled so natural out here; so fresh.


Steven and I walked into Ms. Latina’s class and he went and took a seat in the back row. Ms. Latina introduced me to the class and of course I turned blood red. She assigned me a seat next to Steven and I tripped over my own shoes on the way to my seat. Two girls, both platinum blondes, giggled in high pitched tones. I stared at them with the fiercest eyes I could. They immediately shut up.


I took my seat and a note was flung onto my desk. I opened it with shaking hands.





So, tired of this boring town yet??





I looked over, almost immediately knowing it was from Steven. He even wrote in a nice font. I steadied my hand to make my writing look neat like his.





Not really. I just got here. How can I be tired of it?





I tossed back the note and it landed on the floor. He bent over to get it when I saw what looked like a tattoo on the back of his neck. I wonder what it looks like.





Well, you certainly don’t look like your not enjoying it here. I bet you are only doing this because you think it will make everybody happy. Look I know that everyone has been gawking at you today but it is only because everyone thinks your really hot- as in the guys think that- or that your going to be a ho- as in the girls think that. Don’t listen to the girls though; they are all stupid sluts anyways. Watch out for Clara. She is the leader of the whole prep group. She sleeps with every guy, even the ones who are taken. If she bothers you, tell me.





I’m glad he’s being really nice to me. He is the first person who actually has the guts to talk to me. This Clara girl sounds like a real *****. I wonder what turned her into this monster, well that is if she hasn’t always been like this.





How do you know all of this? What, do you read people’s minds or something? And about the whole Clara thing, have you ever slept with her?





He took a minute to write back. I took this minute to my advantage and tried listening to what the teacher was saying. She was talking in Spanish so I couldn’t understand her. I really need to switch out of this class. I didn’t even pick my classes anyway. The only reason I want to stay in this class is because of Steven. Suddenly, that familiar nasal buzzing sound filled my ears and everyone was in a rush to get out of there. I would have to ask Steven about Clara later. I walked quickly out of the room, not even glancing back at Steven. I walked toward my History class in room 5.


Mr. Martin sent me to an empty seat next to a girl with platinum blonde hair with no introductions. I sat down and stared straight ahead so that it looked like I was paying attention.


“Hey, aren’t you that new girl?”


“Yes I am.” I replied back to the platinum blonde.


“I’m Clara. This school is so boring. It’s only fun because I go here.”


Oh. My. Gosh. Did she seriously just say that?


“Yeah, you heard me right. It’s cool because I’m cool. If you try and mess with me, I will ruin your reputation okay.” Clara said again.


“Look Clara, I just got here and it is my first day. I haven’t done **** to you so if you have a problem, don’t take it out on me. I’m not going to get in your way so leave me alone.” Wow, I never knew I had the guts to say that to her.


“Well okay then, we seem to be on the same page. Oh, and by the way, leave Steven alone. He’s mine.”


She turned back towards the front of the room to make it look like she wasn’t talking. I glanced away form her in discuss. Why was she so mean? I swear it was like someone had taken a stick and shoved it up her tiny ***.


The class was over before I knew it and I still had one more class until lunch. That class also happened to be the one class I liked, science. I walked into my science class and introduced myself to Ms. Parker. She had long dark hair that flowed gently to the middle of her back. She was wearing a nice suit and a pair of fancy heels. She was so beautiful. She assigned me to a lab table in the middle of the room next to a pixie looking girl. I didn’t actually see her features until I got closer but she was beautiful. She looked like a girl that everyone would love. She had short choppy brown hair and ocean blue eyes. Her skin was a translucent color.


“Hey there, you must be Zoey. I’m Rebecca, but you can call me Baca.”


“Hi there.” I said sheepishly.


Science went by in a blur because the next thing I knew, everyone was leaving the room. I grabbed my things and walked towards the lunch room. It was packed when I first walked in. That girl Becca came to me in a graceful walk.


“Zo, why don’t you come sit with me and my friends? Don’t worry; I will talk a lot so that it doesn’t make things awkward. I was the new kid before so I know what it’s like.”


We walked over to the table with her many friends. She introduced me to everyone one at a time. We sat down and started chatting away. I wasn’t even acting shy. Why was that? I glanced up to the other side of the room where a group of guys sat there. Among them was Steven. He looked past his friend and into my eyes. He glanced away before I could. In that moment that our eyes met, I knew there was something different about him.


“Zoey, Steven is totally checking you out!” Baca exclaimed quietly.


“No he’s not.” I quickly glanced up to him and there he was in his Superman glory staring at me.


I stood up mechanically and walked over to his table. It got dead silent once I got there.


“Hey Steven. What’s up?”


“Nothing really…How are you doing?”


“Saying hi to you. Are you doing anything later?”


“Yeah, I’m busy later. Sorry.” I could see the sacrifice in his eyes. It clearly meant he wanted to be with me.


“Okay then I guess I will just see you later then.” I gave him a smile I thought could win over anyone’s heart.


I turned away and could barely hear his friends telling him he should have went out with me. I smiled knowing that he wanted to. I can’t believe I just thought that and did all of that. Am I turning into that girl Clara? Ew, I am so stupid.


“Zoey did you seriously do what I think you did?” Becca asked curiously.


“Yes I did. He had ‘plans’ though.”


“Wow, I am going to have to hang with you more often.”


“Well first things first, let’s go to class.”


I looked around the empty lunch room. It was deserted. I ran to my Math class and then an hour later went to my P.E. class. Math class was pretty boring. I had already learned everything back in Denver. P.E. was okay. I was really tired so it wasn’t that fun.


I walked out of the girls locker room and started walking to my car under the over hang. I pulled up my hood as I walked out into the heavy rainfall.


“Z, wait.” I knew who it was once that magical voice spoke. “About tonight, I don’t actually have any plans. Would you like to go hang somewhere or something?”


“Steven, I thought you said you were ‘busy’.”


“I’m actually not. But I still want to know if you want to hang out. Would you like to?”


“Sure. I would love to. Where are we going to go?”


“I don’t know.”


“How about your house?”


“No! I mean, sorry we can’t go to my house. We can always go to your house though. That is if it’s okay with Billy and everything.”


“Oh, I totally forgot about Billy. Why don’t we hang out tomorrow. Billy wasn’t feeling to well today. Plus I have to go to the store. You can always call me later or something if you want. I’m sorry Steven. Rain check?”


“Okay. Rain check.”


I took out a notebook and wrote down my cell phone number. I gave it to Steven and walked over to my truck. I got into my toasty truck and immediately laughed. I can’t believe I’m not being shy. This is a start.


I started the truck and backed out of the stall a little too fast. I almost hit a tiny car. Luckily, I slammed on my brakes to prevent an accident. The other car honked and kept going. I backed out again, slowly, and drove to the grocery store. I got everything I needed and drove back home. I parked my truck in the drive way and ran into the unlocked house. Wait, unlocked? I walked into the dark kitchen and put the bags on the table. I walked over and turned on the light. Laying there on the floor in front of the stairs was Billy. I ran over to him, falling on my way over there.


“Billy! Billy wake up!” I screamed as I took his head in my hands. “Billy wake up! Come on, please wake up!” I sobbed as I dragged myself over to the phone.


“911 please help me! My name is Zoey Johnson and I am Chief Johnson’s daughter. I just walked into the house and found him unconscious. Please help me! He won’t wake up! Please hurry!”


I hung up the phone and crawled back over to Billy. I would give him CPR but I couldn’t remember how to at the moment. My mind completely went blank. All I could think of was what if he was dead?


I checked to see if he had a pulse but I couldn’t feel one. I looked on his neck and saw two small puncture marks. There was blood dripping down from them. What the heck are those? I laid down next to him and started to cry even more. Then I saw a reflection of red and blue lights in the microwave. The cops and medics came in and told me to step aside. I did as they said and the quickly stared working on him. After what seemed like hours, they put a blanket over him. They kept calling him a body. I knew that he was dead.


The cops and meds got up and took Billy away. They left me all alone in the empty house that was now mine. I grabbed the phone and dialed in Aunt Bessie’s number. She answered the phone and I couldn’t even tell her what I had just witnessed.


“Z, tell me what happened? Is everything okay? Are you or Billy hurt? , talk to me!”


“Billy, he’s…he’s…dead.” I finally got out between my sobs.


“Oh. My. Gosh. I am coming to get you right now.”


“No…stay there Ant Bessie. I am fine. Don’t come and get me.”


I hug up the phone before she could object. Billy was dead. What am I to do? Just go on and live out my life here like nothing happened? Or move somewhere far away and pretend that none of this happened?


I stood up slowly and grabbed onto the stairs to keep my balance. I fell back down again immediately. I crawled up the stairs one by one and into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked so empty, so dead. I walked over to the shower and turned it on. I got in it and sat under the hot water with all of my clothes on. I have been dreading this day my whole life. I started sobbing even more. I cried more this time then I did when my mom past away. I felt so empty, like my soul died when I saw Billy lying there on the floor. This changes everything.

Is this okay for the first chapter of my book?
honey if you want to write it then put your whole heart into the words and it%26#039;ll be good but if you want to know what others think before you even finish then you aren%26#039;t motivated enough to pour your soul out and will never reach your full potential....I think this start is not bad, work on your personal style maybe, but it;s good. Just remember to throw your heart on the page while slapping down the words.
Reply:it was good but a bit like twilight girl moves in with her father to a small wet town evey1 thinks shes beautiful she falls for a vampire and you didnt really fit claras threat in there very well like she just all of a sudden threatens her for no reason i mean even mean girls let something happen even if its little before threatening them it was good but its like i already read it from the first paragraph all i could think about was reading my copy of twilight again sorry but i would read more if you put it out there
Reply:You story sounds good! :) 5 stars! :)
Reply:i really like it could turn out to be really great!!



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